eight
the indefinition of our times
people run people hide, but time goes by,
mam looks at me, and she knows i’m in pause
where do i go to, what do i do, i want to play, but i fear i’m lost in indefinition,
i think i’m in pause, but maybe i’m in slow motion,
I’m not in stop, i know that…
maybe one day i’ll wake and realise play was always on, only to find the record button was not.
memories some say, are what matters, “those that live, are born to die” , so what you do from the moment you wake to the moment you fall asleep, matters, very much.
death and falling asleep can be related, as waking and being born can also be.
if you do nothing from the moment you wake till the moment you fall asleep, you do nothing from birth to death.
and I know, as you should know, Living is being genuine, waking and feeling the morning glory, lying at night and feeling full.
treating every day as life…
Vinte Monegros Roadtrip
Há muito que para trás ficaram costumes e palavras familiares, talvez por isso me tenha aguçado a vontade de escrever acerca desta mesma viagem. Três amigos à procura de movimento, numa esfera tão parada? Fugindo da rotina diária, que tanto nos abafa? ou simplesmente um meio para atingir um fim? fim este que se esconde no meio de poeira, tendas, gritos e amor? Mas mesmo se fosse apenas um meio, não saberíamos qual era o fim. Digamos apenas que partimos em busca do desconhecido e exótico, cada um com uma pequena peça deste puzzle que é a nossa viagem.
Relaxadamente, sem uma única ultrapassagem, quilometro após quilometro, aprecio a companhia fiel de uma Ford Transit dos anos 70, Daisy, o pessoal não concorda com o nome, soa hippie dizem eles, mas enfim, Daisy é nome de boa rapariga, e na verdade, é o que a nossa casa ambulante é, uma boa rapariga com uns valentes toques de Woodstock e Isle of Wight, as fitas acastanhadas que percorrem as suas laterais brancas, a frente imponente com os seus grandes faróis amarelos e curvas acentuadas, os interiores em tecido castanho e madeira. Tudo isto reminiscente de um tempo em que não vivi,mas com o qual todos nós namoramos durante a adolescência, uma viagem no tempo portanto, ligeiramente adulterada pela musica electrónica cuspida pelo sistema de som, mas sem duvida alguma, uma viagem no tempo.
A Time machine would take me there…
Vinte e Quatro inacabado
Perdida numa fé,
foi assim que te senti
fé quente,
fé que aconchega no dia mais frio
e ilumina no mais sombrio.
Amor, a fé que abala,
não quando se instala,
mas quando se cala.
Era certo, palpável até,
sentiste-o, e não foi mentira
na dor do silencio
duvidas da fé
odeias a fé
mas sentes falta da fé
Catarsys
panic spreads
i feel it
my dog is real
nothing else is
why would you be
when you are not
you infect me with your lies with all your fake smiles and fake caresses
but i can see no sickness, I can only feel it
disease spreads trough my mind,
are you real? you look like you are real, you act like your real, but I don’t feel you like I feel my dog
I’m sick
I’m not immune, i care and i obsess, i want to feel you like i feel my dog
but if you are not disease you are mean, society taught you up to be afraid,
It told me to be afraid, but I am not, if I die, i’m dead.
Why should i be afraid then?
take everything from me, but i will still have it all, my mind is mine, you scratch at it’s walls, you assault them, but in the end my mind will prevail, for better or worst,
the condition is indifferent, it will still be mine, what can you break where there is nothing your hands can touch?
catarsys? is this it? I feel lighter, I can breathe better now, panic is lurking but no more inside
tell me, these are games? why did they teach them to you? why did you let them teach them to you?
Why even bother, if games are in play and plays are not in fashion?
my heart feels the pain,
anxiety and panic?
the brain hits and the heart shields, what is it with writing? Do i bore you?
I feel insecure…
I feel shapeless in a rectangular world, sometimes i can fit in some boxes, big boxes, but they are big and I feel lonely,
no small boxes I can fit in, you felt like a small cosy blanket that rapped around my shapeless form, but now I do not know,
you haven’t spoken to me, is it a game you play?
do you feel for me like I thought you did? or do I simply bore you and you don’t know how to shake me away?
I tend to over think I tend to over expose and over extend my feelings, and if you don’t catch them I’ll fall
maybe I like to fall
written, so it seems, a long long time ago…
Twenty One
bursting with sound, yet not a squeak not a word in my mouth,
unstable and at odds but in balance it sounds
for once you had it, it becomes a bad habit
bout a boy and some girls? yes some girls!
some will not fit others will not want
the ones that want eventually will not fit
a strange boy?
strange indeed,
fit he will not
the heart is in need
aboard a vessel
empty and hollow
in a sea of depression
muddied and soiled
flowers seem ugly
and birds cannot fly
what is this mud?
too the knees I have sunk
if it was but a rental
I’d gladly endure
the rain and the pain
attached to this brain
I’d demand a new contract
to never again
search for a cure
in the obscure of the abstract
Twenty Two
kiddo: why do you take so many pills mammy?
mammy: it’s for my head.
Kiddo: what’s wrong with your head mammy? are you sick?
mammy: no kiddo, just too much bullshit in the world.
Happiness is a Warm Gun
Yo-landi Vi$$er <3
Nineteen
to kiss trough,
true heat
not dreams, enough!
true to touch
true to see
true to me
Twelve
we could dream for hours,
scream and laugh
but not the meaning
never the purpose
to explain the minutes of joy
the expressions of righteousness
I will write
but not for the meaning
maybe between the letters and the spaces I’ll find it
but life and its purpose is not to be defined
for happiness is knowing that there is a purpose, not knowing what it is…
Eleven
Throughout these voyeuristic times we live in, everybody has a recipe for a perfect life, every single one a unique philosopher, preaching love truth and equality practising whenever it’s fashionable, but hey, I look weird and feel strange, so don’t mind me :)
Harvey and the boys
